5/15/96                 Tolerating the Turbulence
                             by Rocci Hildum

  I sat in the quiet room looking out over a beautiful scene. The second
day of a three day retreat to a Benedictine monastery. I was sitting in
deep thought and prayer, trying to be in meditation while looking out the
window at the flower garden in the foreground and majestic hundred foot
evergreens in the distance.

  While struggling for profound spiritual insight, I noticed that the
wind was blowing outside by seeing the rose bushes being tossed back and
forth as the trees were also gently swaying in the distance. I further
noticed that the low flowers among the roses were perfectly still.

  It occurred to me that there was a spiritual insight here; an obvious,
if not profound one. I can't see the wind but I can see the effect of
the movement of the wind. The low flowers were unaffected by the wind,
they just weren't high enough to be touched by the wind. The roses,
somewhere between the low flowers and the majestic trees were being
tossed, not violently, but vigorously, by the wind. And those old, tall
trees were gently swaying in the wind, but their deep roots and
substantial growth prevented them from being tossed about. All of this
resonated with me as being significant to my spiritual journey.

  I can't see the Holy Spirit but I can see it's effects, the reflection
of it's movement all around me. A timid spiritual journey that never
risks reaching higher may be safe, secure and insulated from any
turbulence but will I ever be able to feel the movement of the Holy
Spirit from way down there. As we take risks in our spiritual journey
and reach higher we begin to feel the exciting and stimulating movement
of the Holy Spirit, eventually we will inevitably get tossed about. It
can be a wild ride, but you can't get any higher without experiencing
some turbulence. As we mature and our spiritual roots go deeper, we
develop spiritual rings with each one recalling another moment, event,
or experience. We still feel the movement of the Holy Spirit but we won't
be tossed about any more.

  I want to reach up there for a relationship with God that is intimate
and personal. I know that the Spirit is active, I have seen it's
movement even if I haven't seen the Spirit. I don't want the safety of a
spiritual life that doesn't take risks and I am willing to TOLERATE THE
TURBULENCE. I have seen a glimpse of the promise of spiritual growth and
maturity. I can see the reflection of the Spirit around me. That sort of
spiritual maturity is rare, but I know it is there.

Yours in 'love and service,

Rocci Hildum
Sunnyslope COB
Wenatchee, WA 
Oregon-Washington District