03/22/96                LISTEN TO GOD
                       by Rocci Hildum

  Knowing that spirituality transcends language, and
frequently does not translate well into language, I humbly 
share the following experience which was particularly 
powerful for me.

  I attended a Wellspring retreat about one year ago, something
that I had wanted to do for several years. Wellspring is a 
retreat sponsored by the Church of the Saviour in Washington
D.C. The first day and a half of the retreat was spent in
silence with the only instruction to "Allow God to love you."
Initially, I thought that instruction was superficial but I 
trusted the leaders. About half-way through the period
of silence I discovered that I am, in fact, reluctant to 
believe that God does in fact love me, or more accurately, 
that I am loveable, worthy of being loved unconditionally 
by God. With that realization I was able to, with a great 
deal of pain, release and surrender myself to God, and know 
that I am loveable and that my worthiness is irrelevant.

  Back in the real world, I have had difficulty recreating that 
awareness, until I realized that I typically intellectualize 
my prayer and meditation time. It is when I can move beyond
intellectualization (pray without words), pray in images, acts,
creative expression... that I can reach a place that is 
simply transcended by language, and again know that God loves
even me.

  Additionally, I have been teaching my six year old daughter 
to meditate every morning before Kindergarten. Children are
much more receptive to meditation than adults because they 
have not developed the obstacles and barriers to spiritual 
discipline and faith that adults typically have. Even though
my daughter is very eager to "listen to God" every day before
school, I was not sure how much she was getting. While I was 
away at the retreat, my daughter told my wife that they 
needed to LISTEN TO GOD before school, and then proceeded to 
teach my wife how to do it. This memory still gives me an
almost sinful degree of pride and pleasure. 


Yours in Christ's service,

Rocci Hildum
Sunnyslope COB
Wenatchee, WA
Oregon Washington District