The following is the text of the sermon preached Friday, July 5, by Joyce Stoltzfus. The text was submitted to the Annual Conference Office in mid-June and may have been modified for the actual presentation. Joyce Stoltzfus Focus: Affirming one another Title: "An honest welcome" Scripture: Ephesians 4:7-16 and Philippians 4:8-9 1996 Church of the Brethren Annual Conference, Cincinnati, Ohio July 5, 1996 A middle-aged woman is looking for a church home. She has experienced two divorces. She grew up in the Church of the Brethren and has a love for the church. But, she has also been wounded and rejected by the church. She has been a member of another church, but something calls her to consider another Church of the Brethren. She attends one Sunday, but memories of past experiences flood through her mind. She does not return. She fears rejection and condemnation. She wants to be honest about who she is and what her history has been. She does not want to have to hide or cover up "who she is," yet she is afraid that because of "who she is" she will be not welcomed. Amazingly, about six months later, she finds the courage to return to that Church of the Brethren congregation, and she finds an acceptance and welcome that does not require her to "hide" who she is, what she truly believes, her struggles or questions. She receives "an honest welcome." Several years ago a middle aged father and his family joined another Church of the Brethren congregation. This man grew up in a military family and has some problems with the peace stance of the denomination. He joined the congregation because he and his family felt welcomed. Not a superficial welcome where everyone smiles regardless how they feel. Not a sweet "cotton candy" welcome where, when you bite into "difficult topics," the welcome quickly evaporates. Instead, this man experienced the kind of welcome where his sometimes misbehaving children were dealt with in an honest, straightforward manner and he was challenged and grew in his ability to be a father. He experienced the kind of welcome where he could raise questions about the positions of the church and receive an honest encounter. This Brethren "outsider" considered it an honor when his pastor asked him to lead a serious study of the Annual Conference paper on "Non-violence and Humanitarian Intervention," which is based on a pacifist point of view. He didn't seek to join a Church of the Brethren necessarily; he wanted a congregation that offered "an honest welcome." Too often in our churches, we encourage people to "keep quiet," to not say things that will upset others, to hide the "truth" of our personal experiences. We think we will be happier if we all can just "agree," even when the "agreement" is not honest. Many people are yearning for a spiritually rich place where it is safe to be honest; where we can raise our questions and be welcomed to do so. Tonight, I invite each one of us to think about our most recent "church fight." Was it devastating and destructive? Or was it redemptive? Was there honest "truth-telling in love," as Paul admonishes us? Was there an atmosphere that helped people feel welcomed/encouraged to be honest? Would a spider hidden in the corner, underneath the bench, say: "Yes! Finally, I've found a church where people are real with each other. I want to be a part of this church community! Here I will be challenged, disciplined, corrected, and affirmed. Here I will be honestly welcomed and loved.” Don't laugh! Don't despair! It is possible for honest differences to be expressed "in love." I've seen it happen! I bear witness to the possibility of this happening. Last summer, we had a very long church Board meeting at Glade Valley in which we discussed our varying points of view related to homosexuality, a discussion I know many of your congregations have also had. At the end of the meeting, I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude to God for the discussion that took place in the meeting. I could tell that while persons had differing perspectives, history, and feelings on the matter, every person struggled to honestly and lovingly express themselves. No one said, "Well, I know the 'truth' on this matter, and if you believe differently, you're going to hell.” When I got home, it took me hours to get to sleep; not because I was upset over the meeting, but because I was so amazed that our discussion could be one in which "truth was spoken in love." (And that's "truth" with a small "t," not a capital "T" -- for I think all of us humans need to be humble enough to admit that only God has a corner on the fullness of "Truth.") Are our congregations "safe" enough for persons to risk "speaking the truth"? Am I encouraged to "speak the truth" about my own life experiences? Or I am told, "It's best not to say that; and we won’t ask..." Am I encouraged to struggle honestly with the scriptures? Or am I told, "Well, that's not how the Brethren interpret that text." Am I encouraged to share openly how the Holy Spirit is working in my life, even if this seems strange and unusual to my sisters and brothers in the church? Or, am I told, "We must be careful that we don't let our emotions/feelings run away with us." The primary text for today comes from the book of Ephesians, a book that has strong concern for "the unity of the church." A primary concern of their day was "unity" between Jew & Gentile. What does "unity" in our local congregations mean? What are the positive things we can do to foster "unity;" unity that is not merely "superficial." The text from Ephesians gives us some helpful guidance: l. Varieties of gifts are affirmed. 2. We are encouraged to "equip the saints" for the work of ministry. In other words, "Help each other out! Give each other the support that will foster growth and strengthening of faith." Putdowns and condemnations, whether subtle or direct, are not helpful in "equipping" anyone! We are to "build up" the body of Christ. 3. Furthermore, we are admonished to "speak the truth in love" so that all of us may grow and learn and mature into the ways of Christ, the One we have chosen to follow. Later in the same fourth chapter of Ephesians, the writer gives more guidance: 4. "Let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another." 5. "Be angry, but do not sin." 6. "Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up...so that your words may have grace to those who hear." 7. "Put away from you all bitterness and wrath...and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you." This is what is needed for real unity. When I was seven years old, I had an accident that led to the loss of my left eye. The doctor tried to save my eye, but was unsuccessful. When I was still in grade school, I was playing at my friend's house when she asked me what it looked like when I took my artificial eye out. I tried to explain what it looked like. Then she, with the enthusiasm and normal curiosity of a child, said, "Let me see it. Take out your eye, so I can see it!" I hesitated, a bit uncertain, but she kept begging me, "Oh, come on; I just want to see it!" So I gave in, and took out my eye to show her how I looked without my artificial eye. She took one look and said, "Ohhhhh... you're ugly!!!" Until I was in my 20's, it was very, very difficult for me to talk about the fact that I have an artificial eye. I longed to be the same as everyone else, and have two normal eyes. But, when God gave me the courage to start talking about that, I discovered there were many, many other people who had similar feelings and experiences. Many, many other people felt their differences as "ugliness." Many, many people felt their "differences" were condemned and not welcomed here. My willingness to share opened a flood-gate of feelings that other people had, but were always afraid to share. They were afraid to be honest about the truth of their own pain -- their experiences of rejection, their fears about "being different" and therefore unacceptable. Are our congregations giving an "honest to persons who need a spiritual home?" Is the "welcome" real? Is the "welcome" deep? ...rather than superficial. At the fall 1984 General Board meeting, it was shared that Ralph and I were planning to get married. In the hallway, a General Board member spoke to me, sharing his concern about my plans, for he believes that scripture teaches us that it is not God's will that divorced people should re-marry. Since Ralph was divorced, he should not re-marry; I should not marry him. When I recounted this conversation to a friend, she was appalled that this person would say this to me. But I did not share her feelings. I greatly appreciated the fact that this person came directly to me and shared his honest beliefs and feelings. He did not just smile at me, or avoid me and leave me guessing. While we differ in our understandings about what God is saying on this issue, I was not devastated by his honest conversation with me. Much more destructive to my faith are those persons who passively smile in my face, but talk about me behind my back. Much more destructive to my faith are conversations with persons who come to me to express the "concerns" of "other people" but are unwilling or unable to name the "truth in love;" unwilling or unable to talk directly to the people involved; unwilling or unable to own the truth of their own feelings or beliefs. It is not easy to "speak the truth in love." It is much easier to avoid conflicts and differences. It is much easier to give an artificial smile and move on. It is hard; it is difficult; it is tough! Is there any hope? Any "good news" for us? The encouraging words in Philippians give me hope: "Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable; if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Phil. 4:8) We are encouraged to look for the positive and commendable. Look for the positive and commendable attributes of your brother or sister, and affirm these gifts that you see in that sister or brother. Then, when the conflicts and differences arise, and they will, we will be empowered by the Spirit to hear the truth of another's experiences and perspective, and to share our own "truth" (with a small "t") with sincere honesty and loving integrity. I encourage all of us (including me) to return to our congregations with a renewed commitment to offer a welcome to all -not just a superficial, sweet welcome, but a welcome which is deep enough to welcome the one who is different from me!! If we depend upon the power of the Spirit to help us, an honest welcome is possible! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joyce Stoltzfus is the pastor Glade Valley Church of the Brethren, Walkersville, Md. 1996 Annual Conference, Cincinnati, Ohio July 5, 1996